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March 14, 2007


Cheryline Lawson

I agree with all that you said about the difficutly of grievig in public. But it is OK as long as you are not disruptive towards anyone. There is no way you can prepare for grief no matter how the person died, but each individual is different and it depends on their coping skills and personality as well as a bunch of other factors.


Why on earth would I want to 'be disruptive' of anyone? Your comment makes makes me feel as if my grief is somehow toxic to others.

The Harvester

I think, Cheryline, the point is precisely that blahfeme doesn't want to grieve in public. Not for any 'disruption' to others, but because it is not this individual's mode of grieving... exactly as you say, it is an individual thing. My Portugese colleague also bemoans the incredible public mourning of the Catholic countries... for the most part, if that's what you want, it must seem to work and help. We English are particularly bad at it all, but rightly or wrongly, public display of any emotional kind is in fact *not helfpul* for those who are so very *of* this culture.

Blahfeme, your grief is in no way toxic, as I am sure you know. It is valid and real and you must deal with it in your way, even if that means hiding under the duvet for whole days. The bit to be wary of is if it starts being toxic to you (and I'm not saying it is, btw). We're all here for you, you know that, but I will lay low and back off until you want to come out from the duvet. And yes, Friends seems especially banal at the moment. x

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